To succeed, who you know is just as important as what you know. In fact, relationships should be your top priority. The book Never Eat Alone talks about how to apply the timeless principles of relationships in the 21st century. It contains a lot of practical tips on how you could thrive in today’s world through your relationships. It’s one of the best books I read recently.
To give you only the gems, I’ve summarized what I learn from the book into 106 tips. Put these tips into practice and you will be a master connector who live a successful and fulfilling life:
- Make other people more successful
Real networking is about finding ways to make other people more successful. It is sharing your knowledge and resources, time and energy, friends and associates, and empathy and compassion in a continual effort to provide value to others, while coincidentally increasing your own.
- Work hard to give more than you get
It’s the value you bring that makes people want to connect with you. All this takes work. It means you have to think hard not only about yourself but also about other people.
- Don’t keep score
Don’t think of relationships as finite. In fact, it’s the exercising of equity that builds equity. There is no score to keep when abundance leads to even more abundance.
- Remember that the key to success is generosity
The currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.
- Find your mission in life
Intersection of your talents and desires is your “blue flame”. Which activities excite you the most, where you don’t even notice the hours that pass?
- Be specific about what you want
The more specific you are about what you want to do, the easier it becomes to develop a strategy to accomplish it.
- Make setting goals a habit
Something as simple as a clearly defined goal could distinguish you from all others. The kind of discipline that turns a dream into a mission, really just comes down to a process of setting goals.
- Create a Relationship Action Plan
There is a process involved in building a network. Your Relationship Action Plan consist of three sections:
1. Your goals up to three years from now in three months increments.
2. Names of people that could help you reach each goal.
3. Strategies to reach the people you list in point 2.
Once you have your plan, post it in a place where you will see it on regular basis.
- Create a Personal “Board of Advisors”
It helps to have enlightened counselors who will hold you accountable. They are your Personal “Board of Advisors”.
- Build your network before you need it
Reach out to others long before you need anything at all. The most important thing is to get to know those people as friends, not as potential customers.
- Start connecting with the people you do know
At the outset, concentrate on the people who are already part of your existing network.
- Be bold
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Audacity was often the only thing that separated two equally talented men and their job titles.
- Be willing to ask
Nothing in your life could create opportunity like a willingness to ask, whatever the situation. Until you become as willing to ask for help as you are to give it, you are only working half the equation. Remember that the worst anyone can say is no.
- Balance your fear
Mustering the audacity to talk with people who don’t know you often simply comes down to balancing the fear you have of embarrassment against the fear of failure. It’s between choosing risk and striving for greatness, or risking nothing and being certain of mediocrity.
- Treat people with respect
Treat people with respect up and down the ladder.
- Be transparent
Openness has become a valuable and much-sought-after attribute.
- Make friends
Those who are best at it don’t network – they make friends. A widening circle of influence is an unintended result, not a calculated aim.
- Do your homework
Spectacular achievement is always preceded by spectacular preparation. Whom you meet, how you meet them, and what they think of you afterward should not be left to chance.
- Be informed about whom you meet
If you are informed enough to step comfortably into their world and talk knowledgeably, their appreciation will be tangible. The idea is to find a point of common ground that is deep and rich. Then you’ll have an opportunity to bond and impress.
- Find out others’ interests
Find a way to become part of those things that are of most interest to them, and you will have found a way to become part of their life.
- Don’t eat alone
Food has a unique ability to facilitate conversation. Eating with other people is an effective way to build relationships.
- Organize and manage your information
The successful organization and management of the information that makes connecting flourish is vital. If you’re organized, focused, and a stickler for taking names, there’s no one that’s out of reach.
- Make lists
Create lists in your own categories (such as potential customers, potential acquirers, etc) that correspond to your goals. When you make such lists, it’s important you name the actual decision makers, and not just an organization.
- Know the most important players in your field
To make your goals possible, map the most important players in your field. Write down a list of “influentials” in that field.
- List the people you already know
Take time to list the people you already know such as: relatives, current colleagues, people you went to school with, former teachers, former employers, and so on.
- Be flexible in organizing your information
The way you organize your lists can be fluid. You could have lists by geographical location, by industry, whether they’re acquaintance or friend, and so on.
- Use other people’s lists to make your lists
One great resource for making lists is other people’s lists. Newspapers and magazines do rankings of this sort all the time.
- Create “aspirational contacts” list
Another category you might want to add is “aspirational contacts”. These are those extremely high-level people you want to know someday.
- Just plunge right in to cold call
When you are about to cold call, your fears will never be completely quieted. The trick is to just plunge right in. Envision yourself winning to win. You have to view getting to know new people as a challenge and an opportunity.
- Be persistent
Frequently, people won’t get back to you when you call or write them. You have to put your ego aside and persist in calling or writing. It is up to you to take the initiative. Sometimes, you have to be aggressive.
- Make warm calls
Use these four rules for warm calling:
1. Convey credibility: mention a familiar person or institution.
2. State your value proposition: what can you do for them?
3. Impart urgency and convenience: in most instances, the sole objective of the cold call is to get an appointment.
4. Be prepared to offer a compromise: go big at the outset, leaving room for compromise.
- Make the gatekeeper an ally rather than an adversary
Treat the gatekeepers with the dignity they deserve. Never, ever get on their bad side.
- Never, ever disappear
In building a network, remember: Above all, never, ever disappear. Invisibility is a fate far worse than failure.
- Work hard to remain visible and active
Keep your social and conference and event calendar full. You must work hard to remain visible and active among your ever-budding network of friends and contacts.
- Clone an event
You have to work hard to be successful at reaching out to others, but it doesn’t mean you have to work long. Clone an event to save time. You clone an event by inviting all the people you want to meet to join you.
- Have fun
Building network should be fun, not time-consuming.
- Share your passions
Shared interests are the basic building blocks of any relationship. When you are truly passionate about something, it’s contagious.
- Emphasize on the quality of time
Friendship is created out of the quality of time spent between two people, not the quantity.
- Follow up or fail
When you meet someone with whom you want to establish a relationship, take the extra little step to ensure you won’t be lost in their mental attic. Follow-up is the key to success in any field.
- Do your first follow up soon
Give yourself between 12 and 24 hours after you meet someone to follow up. E-mail is a fine tool for dropping a quick note.
- Don’t forget to do your second follow-up
In a month’s time, drop the person another e-mail, just to keep in touch.
- Spend your time at conferences to meet people
An all-too-common misperception is conferences are places to find insight. Wrong. Conferences are good for mainly one thing: they provide a forum to meet like-minded people.
- Be a conference commando
Don’t just be an attendee; be a conference commando. A conference commando is prepared in advance with information on who they were to meet, how, and where.
- Give speeches
Giving speeches is one of the easiest and most effective ways to get yourself remembered.
- Collect as many follow-ups as you can
Don’t be the persons that shadow their best friends the entire conference. Collect as many follow-ups as you can.
- Connect with super-connectors
Some people know many, many more people than the rest of us. Such people should be the cornerstones to any flourishing network. Once you become friendly with a super-connector, you’re only two degrees away from thousands of different people.
- Get as many acquaintances as you can
Often the most important people in our network are those who are acquaintances. Why? Because our close friends seldom know information that we don’t already know. The more acquaintances you have, the more powerful you are.
- Know people from many different worlds
The key is not only that we know thousands of people but that we know thousands of people in many different worlds, and we know them well enough to give them a call.
- Exchange your network with someone else’s
The most efficient way to enlarge your circle of friends is to connect your circle with someone else’s.
- Create your own host committees
Politicians have what are called “host committees”: group of well-connected people in their respective worlds. If you want more access to a world, see if you can find a central figure within that world to act as your own one-person host committee.
- Build your “verbal fluency”
“Verbal fluency” – the ability to confidently make conversation with anyone in any situation – is a common trait among the most accomplished people. “Getting-along skills,” more than anything else, determined who got ahead.
- Be yourself
When it comes to making an impression, differentiation is the name of the game. One guaranteed way to stand out: be yourself. Charm is simply a matter of being yourself. Your uniqueness is your power.
- Use the power of vulnerability
Vulnerability is one of the most underappreciated assets in business today. The power of the vulnerability principle in the art of making small talk is surprising.
- Talk from your heart
When you realize the best icebreaker is a few words from the heart, the act of starting a conversation becomes far less daunting.
- Learn the power of nonverbal cues
You have about ten seconds before a person decides, subconsciously, whether they like you or not. In that short period of time you don’t exchange a lot of words; their judgment is mostly based on nonverbal communication.
- Develop conversational currency
Be prepared to have something to say. Keep up with current events. Cultivate some niche interest.
- Learn to listen
One should seek first to understand, then to be understood.
- Always remember the other person’s name
Nothing is sweeter to someone’s ears than their own name.
- Be sincere
The surest way to become special in others’ eyes is to make them feel special.
- Try to find out what motivations drive the other person
In your initial conversation with someone, try to find out what motivations drive that person. It often comes down to one of three things: making money, finding love, or changing the world.
- Help someone accomplish his or her deepest desires
Initial invitation is just to connect strongly enough with other people to help them address the issues that matter to them most.
- Make yourself indispensable to others
Real power comes from being indispensable. Indispensability comes from being a switchboard, parceling out as much information, contacts, and goodwill to as many people – in as many different worlds – as possible.
- Start thinking about how you’re going to make everyone around you successful
When someone mentions a problem, try to think of solutions. The solutions come from your experience and knowledge, and your tool kit of friends and associates.
- Take the initiative to help
Don’t wait to be asked to help. Just do it.
- Be a knowledge broker
Performing social arbitrage when your financial and relational resources are thin is actually not too big a hurdle. The solution is knowledge. The ability to distribute knowledge in a network is a fairly easy skill to learn.
- Be interested to others’ success
You can be more successful in two months by becoming really interested in other people’s success than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in your own success (Dale Carnegie).
- Ping all the time
80 percent of building and maintaining relationships is just staying in touch (or “pinging”). Pinging takes effort. You have to keep pinging and pinging and pinging and never stop. You have to feed the fire of your network or it will wither or die.
- Repeat and repeat again
Becoming front and center in someone’s mental Rolodex is contingent on one invaluable little concept: repetition.
- Create a rating system
One way to make maintaining easier is to create a rating system for the network that corresponds to how often you reach out. For example:
1. A “1” gets contacted at least each month.
2. A “2” gets a quarterly call or e-mail.
3. A “3” gets reached at least once a year.
- Integrate pinging into your workflow
The important thing is that you build the concept of pinging into your workflow.
- Be personal
Always try to make any message as personal as possible.
- Don’t forget birthdays
Birthdays should be one of your favorite pinging occasions.
- Get anchor tenants for your dinner parties
We all have developed relationships with older, wiser, more experienced people. They are “anchor tenants”. Get them to add a little electricity to your dinner party.
- Be interesting
Virtually everyone new you meet in a situation is asking themselves a variation on one question: “Would I want to spend an hour eating lunch with this person?”
- Be a person of content
Content involves a much more specialized form of knowledge. It’s your differentiation. It’s the message that will make your brand unique. Have a unique point of view.
- Be relentless in learning and presenting your content
What will set you apart from everybody else is the relentlessness you bring to learning and presenting and selling your content.
- Acquire content from someone else’s
On some occasions, you can acquire content by simply appropriating another person’s innovative ideas and become a leader in distributing and applying those ideas.
- Develop your own content
On other occasions, you have to develop the content from scratch. That means taking all the disparate dots of information and connecting them in a way others have not.
- Get the attention
Once a resonating pitch is perfected, getting attention is less of a problem. Simply give the press what they need: great stories.
- Be an expert
The easiest route to become content creators is by expertise.Do what experts do: teach, write, and speak about your expertise.
- Teach what you want to learn
There’s no better way to learn something, and become an expert at it, than to have to teach it.
- Use stories to communicate your content
Powerful content communicated in a compelling story can energize your network to help you achieve your mission. In your stories, use emotion to convince your doubters.
- Have a personal brand
A powerful brand – built not on a product but on a personal message – is a competitive advantage. Good personal brands do three things: they provide a credible, distinctive, and trustworthy identity.
- Be distinct or extinct
Your brand articulates what you have to offer, why you’re unique, and gives a distinct reason for others to connect with you.
- Focus on adding value
To become a brand, you’ve got to become relentlessly focused on what you do that adds value. That means going above and beyond what’s called for.
- Develop your Personal Branding Message
What do you want people to think when they hear or read your name? Your positioning message should include a list of words that you want people to use when referring to you.
- Package the brand
Looks count, so you’d better look polished and professional. And why not create a personal Web site?
- Broadcast your brand
If you don’t promote yourself, no one else will. Like it or not, your success is determined as much by how well others know your work as by the quality of your work.
- Start building relationships with the media
You have to start today building relationships with the media before you have a story you’d like them to write.
- Trumpet the message, not the messenger
All your efforts at publicity need to feed into your mission, not your ego.
- Do collaborative writing
If you have any writing skills at all, you can get close to almost anyone by doing a piece on them, or with them. By writing collaboratively, you’re expanding your network exponentially with contacts that otherwise might have seemed out of reach.
- Write articles
Writing articles can be a great boost for your career. It provides instant credibility and visibility.
- Be a good writer by keep writing
To become a writer: “Write, then write some more. When you’re done – and here’s the kicker – keep writing.”
- Go for the big names
Are you only connecting with field mice? If you are, start turning your attention to reaching out to the sort of important people that can make a difference in your life and the lives of others.
- Build trust to get close to power
Trust is the essential element to get close to power; trust that you have no ulterior motives behind your approach; trust that you’ll deal with them as people and not as stars.
- Join associations
There is an association for everything. If you want to meet the movers and shakers directly, you have to become a joiner.
- Build your own club
Sometimes all clubs that seemed worth attending have their doors closed. There’s no reason not to build your own. Figure out what your unique selling proposition is, and start an organization. Invite those people you want to meet to join you.
- Be humble
Arrogance is a disease that can betray you into forgetting your real friends and why they’re so important. Be humble in your hike up the mountain. Help others up the mountain along with and before you.
- Reach back to your past
Reach back into your past regularly to touch base with the folks who have meant so much to you since you were a kid.
- Find mentors
Finding a talented, experienced mentor who is willing to invest the time and effort to develop you as a person and a professional is far more important than making career decisions based purely on salary or prestige.
- Learn from many people
There isn’t just one special person to be all things at all times. Mentors are all around you.
- Build a successful mentoring relationship
A successful mentoring relationship needs equal parts utility and emotion. Utility means promising something in return to your mentor. Emotion means your mentor becomes emotionally invested in your advancement.
- Find mentees
As much as you stretch yourself by reaching up, be sure you are stretching just as far to reach back and help others. You can learn so much from your mentees.
- Hold your principles
Connecting should advance, rather than compromise, your principles. Your determination to connect with others should never come at the expense of your values.
- Don’t try to balance your professional and personal life
Balance is a myth. Real connecting insists that you bring the same values to every relationship. As such, dividing your life between professional and personal spheres no longer made sense.
- Build close relationships
How many people can walk into your homes and just open up the fridge and help themselves? It is close relationships like these that keep you well-adjusted, happy, and successful.
Thanks for taking the time to write this.
You’re welcome, Dan. I like to have a list of practical tips to help me apply whatever I learn. I’m glad you also find it useful.
Awesome compilation of tips Donald! Thanks for putting it together in one spot for all of us to find and reference for years to come!
Thanks, Phil! That’s exactly what I want to do with the list. Applying these principles takes a lot of time, and we need something to refer to every now and then.
That is a fantastic list. I was referred here from lifehack.org and you now have a new rss subscriber.
I agree with the other commentators. That list is amazing, and you have a new feed subscriber 🙂 Keep up the great work!
I’m another Lifehack visitor. Awesome stuff.
[…] In Front of the Industry. « Steve Waugh’s Secret: Radical Collaboration 106 ways to network like a pro. June 8th, 2007 Bloggers read books so you don’t have to. Keith Farrazzi’s new book,Never Eat Alone provides insight on how to network like a pro. Over at Life Optimizer, the essentials of the book are summed up in 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector. […]
[…] You know the old saying: It’s know what you know, it’s who. If you’re not good at networking, you probably don’t know anybody. Life Optimizer offers a whopping 106 tips on better networking, all of them culled from the popular book, Never Eat Alone. A few highlights: […]
Wow, you have some great lists. Not just here but on many of your pages. It is clear that you read extensively and browse the web quite frequently.
This is a great list. 106 items are a lot to remember but perhaps by visiting and revisiting this list I’ll get more each time.
Again, great list.
[…] After this session there was a quick break for lunch, and then I joined a panel of three other people in their mid 20’s, each of whom had dealt with the uncertainty that unemployment post-graduation can bring. We fielded questions ranging from how to manage the transition between college life and a career, how to know whether a job was right for you, how to go through the interview process, and a bunch of networking tips, just to name a few. (For some other networking tips, see lifeoptimizer’s list here. […]
107. Makes lots of lists
Thanks for stopping by, everyone! I’m glad you find the list useful.
[…] 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector » Life Optimizer (tags: article business communication happiness high lifehacks networking productivity self-improvement success) […]
Thanks for your great post !
What are the most important tips on your list ? 🙂
We (Brayer Group) have our own “10 RULES”, and I would appreciate your opinion on them:
1. Remember that the reason you know the other person is in order to share what you have, and not in order to check “what’s in it for me”.
2. Create a rapport (give feedback).
3. Study proactively the others’ persons’ real needs.
4. Create a warm atmosphere.
5. Give advice, share knowledge, and most of all, connect people smartly.
6. Learn how to recognize a giver, as opposed to a taker.
7. Continuity is the name of the game.
8. Care about the person, and let him, care about you.
9. Be comfortable to accept value naturally.
10. Know your value and think Systemically.
More can be found at our blog: http://www.OpherBrayer.com
Thanks and best regards,
[…] 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector » Life Optimizer Ping all the time 80 percent of building and maintaining relationships is just staying in touch (or “pinging”). Pinging takes effort. You have to keep pinging and pinging and pinging and never stop. You have to feed the fire of your network or it wi (tags: career) […]
[…] 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector » Life Optimizer To give you the only gems, I’ve summarized what I learn from the book into 106 tips. Put these tips into practice and you will be a master connector who live a successful and fulfilling life: (tags: lifehack self-improvement) […]
[…] 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector » Life Optimizer […]
The most important tip? Your question makes me think. 🙂
I guess the most important tip will be different for each person and each situation. Different situations require different tips to be applied. For my current situation, the most important tip is #2 “Work hard to give more than you get”.
Your 10 Rules is very interesting. I think rule #1 is the foundation of genuine relationships, as we learn to look more on giving than receiving. I particularly like rule #4 since it captures the importance of atmosphere in building relationships. The nonverbal aspect of communication often speaks louder than the verbal aspect, and rule #4 captures this.
Great article. Very in depth but very simple at the same time. I’ll definitely be checking more of your work. Thanks.
Wow. This is incredibly useful.
I was reading the book and taking down notes myself. You’ve so simplified it for me.
I’m adding you to my productivity folder on Google Reader.
Keep up the good work.
Rule 52. Be yourself
Doesn’t that kind of overrule everything else this article is trying to tell you.
can we rewrite saying being yourself as “when you are in china, be a chinese”??
[…] 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector provides many great ideas for networking as I am sure — like me — you have a few things you’re not comfortable doing. With 100+ suggestions, there’s bound to be a couple that would come naturally to you. […]
[…] 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector » Life Optimizer (tags: networking career) […]
Thanks for the great list. I picked up quite a few ideas from it.
[…] After reading ;s Never Eat Alone Donald over at Life Optimizer decided to break the book down to the top 106 tips. Here are the first ten: […]
I think it depends on our situation. For my current situation, it is rule #2 that seems to overrule the other rules. 🙂
I don’t think “be yourself” in this context can be interpreted that way. “Be yourself” here talks about our uniqueness which makes our differentiation. Doesn’t “being a chinese when we are in China” feel like the opposite of differentiation?
@Rohit, Nitin, Andy:
Thanks for your kind comments!
[…] 106 Ways to Improve Your Connector Skills by Andy KaufmanAndy shared his thoughts and experiences on some of the tips in 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector. This article makes the tips felt more alive. […]
Fabulous list! I’ve referred to the book in many places, including A geek “gets” networking: The strange magic of connecting with others ( http://ideamatt.blogspot.com/2006/01/geek-gets-networking-strange-magic-of.html ). Cheers!
[…] “Never Eat Alone” is a book my ex gave me as a birthday present. Great networking and connecting stories from a master who worked his way up from a small town in Pennsylvania. However, if you’re looking for the Cliff’s Notes version, I found a blog post that parsed it down to 106 tips! I’d suggest the book, though. The stories inspire and are better hooks for remembering the utility of these ‘tips’. […]
[…] 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector (via Life Optimizer) […]
Thanks for stopping by, Matt!
[…] 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector » Life Optimizer (tags: networking) […]
[…] http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2007/06/06/106-tips-to-become-a-master-connector/ […]
[…] 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector – To succeed, who you know is just as important as what you know. In fact, relationships should be your top priority. The book Never Eat Alone talks about how to apply the timeless principles of relationships in the 21st century. It contains a lot of practi […]
[…] 106 Tips to become a Master Connector […]
[…] The full list can be found here. […]
[…] [ Via LifeOptimizer ] To succeed, who you know is just as important as what you know. In fact, relationships should be your top priority. The book Never Eat Alone talks about how to apply the timeless principles of relationships in the 21st century. It contains a lot of practical tips on how you could thrive in today?s world through your relationships. It?s one of the best books I read recently. […]
How to make networking work for you
There is a great post I stumbled upon last week. It contains lots of tips (106 in total) to help you make the most of networking. It’s all about building relationships. I love the top few… #1 Make other people
[…] ?????106 Tips to Become a Master Connector ?????wu zhiyong ?????http://wuzhiyong.name/106-tips-to-become-a-master-connector-one.html ????? ??????? ????? ????? […]
Thank you so much for this information. You gave me so much to do and think about. Where do I start? Thanks again.
You’re very welcome, Rick. It may take years to master all the items in this list, so you’re definitely not alone.
I think where to start depends greatly on your current needs and situations, but all in all I guess we can start with #5 – Find your mission in life.
[…] 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector (3500 Word Article Inspired by Never Eat Alone) […]
[…] TraducciÃ³n (muy libre) del artÃculo de Lifeoptimizer […]
What a fantastic list! There’s a great deal of wisdom in this post!
Thanks a lot!
Jeanne, I’m glad you like it!
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Terrific, 106 tips to become a master connector.
Everyone who wants to become a master connector should read them and obviously apply them.
Continue with this great work Donald
Tips are very useful
Wonderful article. Thanks for sharing this.
I don’t know I’m just afraid of connecting new peoples. I don’t know what to talk… My friend circle small… I wanted to talk but I don’t find words when I come before anyone… 🙁
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