If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
Chinese Proverb
Anger could cause big problems. A problem that is small in the beginning could become bad if we handle it with anger. Not only will the situation itself get worse, our relationships with others could also deteriorate. In short, handling something with anger won’t make things better.
That’s why it’s essential to control anger. By controlling anger we will be able to handle problems with calm. We can then exercise our wisdom and judgment to the problem at hand to achieve the best possible solution. Being someone who sometimes gets angry, there are some tips I find useful on dealing with anger. Here they are - choose the ones that work for you:
1. Take a deep breath
Taking a deep breath is an easy way to calm your nerves. It will be easier for you to do the other tips when your anger has subsided.
2. Drink a glass of water
It’s also an easy way to calm your nerves.
3. Take a bath
I know it is not possible in many circumstances, but if you can do it the effect is immediate.
4. Don’t speak while you are angry
If you did so you may speak harshly to others and that could be something you regret. There is a nice quote about it:
When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.
Thomas Jefferson
5. Listen to what people say
Continuing the previous tip, not only should we not speak while we are angry, we should also learn to listen. Pay attention and try to understand the point the other person makes.
6. Take a walk
Changing your situation is a good way to overcome anger. One way to do so is by taking a walk outside.
7. Pray or meditate
Praying or meditating is an effective way to calm your nerve. It could help you regain your inner peace.
8. Listen to calming music
My favorite is instrumental music since it seems to have better calming effect but you can use whatever music that works for you.
9. Have realistic expectations
Sometimes we are angry simply because we have unrealistic expectations toward others. Make sure that your expectations are realistic. You can’t expect other people to be like you.
10. Realize that nobody is perfect
Everybody can make mistake including you. Realizing this will make it easier for you to understand when someone makes mistakes.
11. See from the other person’s perspective
One way to do that is by asking yourself: “How do I feel if I’m in his or her position?”
12. Tell a wise friend
Sometimes you just need to talk about it with a wise friend. He or she can help you see the problem in the right perspective. Just be careful to choose the right person.
13. Look at the positive side
This is a habit you should build. The habit of looking at the positive side will help you look at many situations in constructive ways.
14. Exercise
You can control anger is by directing your energy to a different direction so that it’s no longer available for anger. A good candidate is exercising.
15. Learn to forgive
If you release forgiveness you will no longer have reasons to angry to someone else. You can then focus on positive ways to solve the problem.
16. Think in long term
Often we are angry because we see too near to the future and do not think about the implications in the long term. By seeing in the long term we will be able to see the consequences of anger. There’s a quote I love about it:
When anger rises, think of the consequences.
Confucius
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How do you control anger? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
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Photo by Alejandra Mavroski
Comment by Eric
11 1. August 2008, 3:38 am o'clock |
My problem is I don’t know I’m out-of-control angry until I’m there - it’s like going up a gradual incline, and then realizing you’re 200 feet higher than you just were.
What’s worse, I don’t express it in out-of-control ways, like yelling or throwing things. I fool myself into thinking I’m in control because my voice is so even, but what I’m saying when I do is so venomous its embarrassing.
I will try these steps. I only hope I remember to use them.
Comment by Nida
10 7. July 2008, 3:54 am o'clock |
I get angry in no time.The problem with me is that i get very angry at small things.The only person I release my anger on is my fiance.But my way of getting angry is very irritating; I go silent for days and days.My fiance keeps asking me to speak out so that we solve the issue but i hesitate and take alot of time to speak up.Things go worse in this time..I keep hurting myself and also others but i dont speak up..I have tried going through alot of websites to overcome this anger but i just cant help it.Please help me how can i get rid of anger and stay happy.
Comment by Angelina
9 5. July 2008, 10:46 pm o'clock |
i have people in my life who are poisonus to me and looking at this info, i know how to control my feelings, especially with the people who are peices of crap that i have to live with. i cant change the world. but with info i know i can change me and keep my inner peace.
thanks so much.
Comment by Donald Latumahina
8 14. May 2008, 1:08 pm o'clock |
J.R.,
It takes time to change but having the resolution of wanting to change is always a good start. I’m sure you will also overcome the feeling of disappointment and tiredness.
Avani,
Thanks for the information!
Comment by Avani
7 12. May 2008, 3:12 pm o'clock |
Donald,
I wouldn’t take credit for that creative way of looking at cost of anger. I had joined a ten day residential Vipassana Meditation course. Had learned over there that not only anger but each thought affects our body in some way (positively and negatively). These sensations are so subtle that usually we don’t feel them. But when in extreme situations like anger they are so strong that we take notice.
You can find more about Vipassana here : http://www.dhamma.org/
@J.R. Please do check this course out. While I can’t gaurantee it will help, a lot of people in my family do vouch about this making a difference.
ps: I am not trying to sell Vipassana. And I don’t gain anything from it :)
Comment by J.R.
6 11. May 2008, 4:05 pm o'clock |
I don’t really feel angry anymore even though I used to feel that way all the time. I feel more disappointed and tired, I guess. A lot of these tips do help, and I’ve done most of them. I’ve lost most of my anger even in some bad situations — just doesn’t work for me. It’s very difficult, but I do my best with what power I do have. I really don’t want to be an angry person anymore…
Comment by Donald Latumahina
5 9. May 2008, 11:40 am o'clock |
Avani,
That’s a creative way to look at it. Many people - or I, at least - only think about the costs of getting angry in term of wrong decisions or bad relationships. But it’s true that our body must also pay for it.
Comment by Avani
4 8. May 2008, 11:28 am o'clock |
Donald, If we really know the cost of getting angry, we probably would never want to be angry again. Not talking about saying wrong words in anger or taking wrong decisions, that is for later on.
Just look within to see how much our body has to pay for that emotion. When I used to get angry I would find might heart pounding hard and burning, a huge buzzz and noise in head and something very close to a bad headache. Worse, it stayed with me long after the moment got over and spoiled an extra few hours. A cost, I definitely don’t want to pay for something that can’t give me one benefit.
Comment by Donald Latumahina
3 7. May 2008, 1:03 pm o'clock |
Avani,
Nice tip! Often we actually do not want to be angry.
Comment by Avani
2 6. May 2008, 10:50 am o'clock |
What works for me is asking myself do I really want to be angry.
One popular method is of counting 1-50 slowly.