I often write about the importance of focus. Lacking focus will bring you nowhere since you do not devote enough time and energy to accomplish your goals. The danger of lacking focus is nothing strange. There is a lot written about it in books and blogs.
There is, however, another side of the coin that is equally dangerous but receives much less attention: being obsessed. We could be too focused on something that the other areas of our life suffer.
As you can see,
there are three levels of focus:
- Lacking focus
- Focused
- Obsessed
The ideal place to be is the second level. The other two levels are dangerous. Now that more and more people are aware about the importance of focus, I’m afraid that the Obsessed side is becoming more dangerous than the Lacking Focus side.
Here are three signs of being obsessed:
- You feel jealous when somebody gets ahead of you
When we are obsessed we no longer feel secure in who we are and start comparing ourselves with others. When we are ahead we may feel proud, but when we are behind we would feel jealous. You want your goal so much that you don’t want others to get it. - Your relationships suffer
Because of your obsession you may no longer have time to maintain good relationships with your family, friends, or colleagues. Perhaps you still have time, but the quantity or quality of the time suffer. - You are mentally drained
Obsession takes a lot of our mental energy. We need life balance to renew our mental energy but being obsessed clearly put our life off balance.
These are just three signs of obsession I can think of. There could be many other signs I do not mention here.
It’s not easy to overcome obsession since we often do not realize that we have crossed the line between Focused and Obsessed. Having said that, here are several things you can do:
1. Watch for the signs
The signs of obsession could help you recognize whether or not you are in the Obsessed state. If you find that you are in the Obsessed state, you can then apply the other tips here.
2. Slow down
To regain control, you should first slow down. If you are moving too fast toward your goal, there’s no way you can see your current position and take the necessary adjustments. So try to reduce your working pace. You may even want to completely stop for a while.
3. Ask yourself: at which level is my motivation now?
We are motivated by our needs and – based on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – there are eight levels of human needs: physical, security, belonging, esteem, learning, aesthetic, self-actualization, and transcendence. As I wrote in Upgrade Your Life by Upgrading Your Motivation, the level that motivates you determines the quality of your life. When we are obsessed, it’s often because our motivation comes from the lower levels of the hierarchy. Money, for instance, comes from level 1 (physical) or at most level 4 (esteem).
4. Upgrade your motivation
Now, knowing your level of motivation, you can upgrade it to higher level. The best of all is level 8 (transcendence) at which your motivation is to help others. Of course, it’s not easy to go to the higher levels. The important thing is to be honest with yourself in the process. It’s useless to say that your motivation is at level 8 while your actual motivation is at level 1. Just start from where you are and go up.
5. Keep listening to your heart
Your heart gives the best guidance you can possibly get. You must keep listening to your heart in whatever you do. Often it can give you warning about what not to do. For instance, if you are about to work in such a way that your family will be neglected, I believe your heart will give you warning. It can also warn you if your motivation goes down to lower levels. As long as you are not too busy to listen and follow your heart, there is a good chance that you will stay away from the obsession pitfall.
***
Do you have tips to overcome the obsession pitfall? Feel free to share them in the comments.
Photo by | spoon |
Comment by MrAchievement.com (Stanley Bronstein)
#1 22. April 2008, 7:55 pm o'clock |
When you become obsessed with the enemy, you become the enemy.
MrAchievement
Stanley Bronstein
Attorney, CPA, Author, Blogger & Professional Motivational Speaker
Comment by Donald Latumahina
#2 23. April 2008, 1:25 pm o'clock |
Nice saying, Stanley. When we are obsessed, we will be against our own interest.
Comment by Mathieu
#3 17. May 2008, 3:09 pm o'clock |
That is so truth. When you become obsessed, you become your own worst enemy. You want to learn and practice how to balance your focus, not too little, not too much. Great post overall, I learned quite a few things!
Comment by Donald Latumahina
#4 19. May 2008, 9:03 pm o'clock |
Mathieu,
Yes, the art of balancing our focus is essential. It’s difficult to learn, but it’s a key to getting the most out of our life.
Comment by Kim
#5 4. November 2008, 5:46 am o'clock |
im a huge criss angel fan and i wanted to share this email i sent to one of my best friend admitting my problem
http://www.crissangel.com
i dont know how to start this hun but im having some problems accepting who criss dates and ive said some horrible things not to him or holly but offline and i finally admitted that i have a problem dealing between fantasy and reality and being obsessed and getting to carried away i have a habit of doing that and i dont want anyone judging me or rejecting me because of this i have problems with dealing with the real world because i was diagnosed with some mental challenges and im learning disabled ive not logged in as much because im
afraid of being banned or rejected and i cannot talk to anyone about my problems because it all comes out so diffrent and diffrent opinions like they dont understand were i am comming from i am currently in counseling for it and i want to get better i know in my heart that i cant make criss angel my whole life because i know hes not a perfect person and he has faults i try not to get to into his personal life which i have talked to my counselor about it she is helping me thru this jamie and i know i will get better i promise you alll that i will i just have so much anger in myself because i was rejected so many times by
people who have bulllied me in school i was always alone had no one to talk to and i resorted to my own world were no one can hurt me and i always lived in a fantasy world in stead of dealing with the real world and dealing with people who judge me reject me hurt me break my heart i dont want to be treated any diffrently than any Loyal because im not that kind of person who thinks im a obsessive stalker thats not me i would never hurt criss or his family or be of something i cannot control i havent violated any of the rules or have bashed on this board because i respect all the rules and i abide by them and i am getting the help i need and i understand criss concern for me i just dont want people saying OMG GET A LIFE U ARE CRAZY EWWWW OR OMG CRISS HATES THAT U ARE LIKE THIS yer gonna get banned or omg i dont wanna be your friend or eww u are a Loyal and u are like that
ITS THE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK I HATE when i explain something i neeed help at
and it doesnt come out right
i hope and pray i will get the help i need and get on with my life
resoectfully LoyalKim
Comment by AAAAH
#6 16. April 2009, 4:25 pm o'clock |
i think im obsessed…
im in love with this guy – weve been dating for almost a year now. i just didnt think there was actuall ya way to put how i feel.
but does this mean that i should break up with him? or just to get a grip on me before i choose to make advances relationship wise?
Comment by inanna
#7 27. October 2009, 3:58 pm o'clock |
What would you say to someone who is obsessed?
Comment by Jon Palmer
#8 15. November 2009, 12:58 am o'clock |
the state of relaxation for me is entirely contrary to the state of obsession. The state of obsession is tense and uncomfortable, and I cannot easily break it until I have exhausted all of my options for gaining the desired end. Focus becomes obsession if the most obvious options are unsuccessful and I have to resort to more creative means of gaining the end.
The obsession can be interrupted by the appearance of a more desired aim, or by the appearance of the option to pursue an aim of equal or lesser importance that I can get or achieve more easily.
Comment by brit
#9 28. November 2009, 10:39 pm o'clock |
Ive become obsessed with this girl ive known for about 6 years now-we arent freinds but she knows who i am we do the same sport when i first met her shes a really cocky in your face person and she actually picked the sport up really fast and seemed to improve in leaps and bounds over the next couple of years where as it took me a long time to learn anything also her life seemed to always be improving all the time-id hear stuff about her and read stuff about her online-i think that must be obsession id google her and stuff- im not a lesbian i just hate her in a way and i dont like it- every time i see a picture of her its always her doing something really good like she wants everyone to see her success in her sport and everything she does
i might be abit jelous but it just really gets to me and i am obsessed does anyone else have this porblem?
Comment by Tom
#10 12. January 2010, 12:25 pm o'clock |
I’m not sure if what I’m going through is obsession or grief. Maybe both.
My soon to be 18yo son has been involved with drugs for probably five+ years now. He is now no longer in our home or a part of our family. The process has been very painful for our whole family, but it came to a point where either he had to leave or I would have to. My wife and I go to Families Anonymous, and it helps, but I probably still think of my son dozens of times a day, and each time I get derailed. I’ll hear a song and tears will come. I’ll be speaking with people and the subject of family will come up and I have to change the subject. I know things will get better for me as time goes on, I’m old enough to know that for a certainty, but it’s taking much longer than I thought. In some ways it would be easier if he had died, I could go through the grief process. With this situation, I’ll hear news of my son and still have hope, which brings the whole thing back again.
I think I already have the range of “motivations” pretty well covered, and maybe it would be good to do more of some of the activities I have been, or am currently, involved in but I just can’t right now. I have to let my son go, but can’t seem to. Which is how I ended up googling “obsession” and finding this website. I thought I’d post, more as a way of venting than anything else. As a way of sharing some of my struggle with all you anonymous internet readers. Thank you and I wish you all success in your paths to wholeness.