By Donald Latumahina, July 25, 2007

Being well liked is what most people want in relationships. The benefits are obvious. You will get the help you need at the time you need it. People will give you information about new opportunities you didn’t know before. Above all, they will really care and love you.

But how could you get other people to like you? How could you become a well liked person? There is actually just one simple rule to follow: you should like other people before they like you. When people realize that you like them, it’s very likely that they will also like you.

streamingRegarding this, I believe that there is one and just one message you need to deliver in your relationships. Delivering this message is the key to strong relationships, and here it is:

You are important to me.

That’s it. No more, no less. Not “your money” nor “your knowledge”, but “you” - as a person - are important to me. Anything you should do in relationships stems from this message. There more you succeed in delivering this message, the more people will like you.

So here I’d like to share 33 tips on how to deliver this message in your relationships. Consequently, these are also tips to become a well liked person. Here they are:

  1. Give your contacts a big smile when you meet them. Make them feel that you are really happy to meet them.
  2. Give your full attention to the people you converse with as if nothing else is important.
  3. When they ask for your attention, leave whatever you are doing.
  4. When they call you, greet them with enthusiasm as if you are longing for their call.
  5. Don’t make them wait.
  6. Print the list of your contacts and look at it in your spare time. It will remind you of whom to touch base.
  7. Always reply your contacts’ emails and text messages.
  8. Reply their emails and text messages in the first chance you get.
  9. Shake their hands with enthusiasm.
  10. Praise them sincerely when they do something good. Make them feel that you are proud of them.
  11. Always return their calls.
  12. Send a message to them on their birthdays. Even better, call them.
  13. Drop your old contacts quick emails or text messages to ask how they are doing.
  14. Remember their names and achievements.
  15. Remember important facts about them, especially the things they really care about (you may want to write them down).
  16. Introduce them to the people in your contact who may help them out.
  17. Actively find the deepest needs they may have (without waiting for them to explicitly tell you).
  18. Take initiative to give them the solutions they need.
  19. Give thanks for them in your session of gratitude.
  20. Mention their names in your prayer.
  21. Talk with them about their life.
  22. Ask them specific questions about things they care about. They will realize that you care enough to remember their facts.
  23. Give them something precious you have. Time is a good candidate.
  24. Go eat with them. Even better, treat them.
  25. When you meet them, don’t look at your watch as if you have something more important to do.
  26. When you talk to them, don’t look over their shoulder as if you are looking for someone more important to talk to.
  27. Send the quick tips or articles you just found which may benefit them.
  28. Message them encouraging words or quotes.
  29. Lend them the best books or DVDs you have.
  30. Talk to them about how you like your other friends. They will think that you may talk the same way about them.
  31. Don’t talk negatively to them about how you don’t like your other friends. They will think that you may also talk the same way about them.
  32. Occasionally mention their names in your conversation with them.
  33. Be creative to give them small surprises every now and then.

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  1. Comment by Donald Latumahina

    Gina,
    You’re welcome! I’m glad you find it useful.

  2. Comment by Gina

    WOW thanks for your help! This really is the best advice i’ve ever gotton that was so on target to the question! it helped alot!!

  3. Comment by Donald Latumahina

    Tamlyn,
    Thanks for the insights! I’m glad you share some of your personal experiences. You remind us about the importance of keeping the balance between our interest and other people’s interest.

    Many people think more about their own interest, and the role of this post is to get the balance back by asking us to also think about others’ interest. But we can go to the other extreme in which we think about others’ interest at the expense of ours, just as you described. The key is keeping the balance between both of them.

  4. Comment by Tamlyn

    I really loved reading your list, and will use some of your tips.

    Yet, after reading this, I was left with a feeling I could not shake. I have, for several times in my life in fact, applied these strategies to other people. Being interested in their life, giving them a call to see how they were doing, etc.

    Then after a while I realized the relationship was all about what I could give to them this way. That became apparent when I had to have major surgery, I told someone who I really considered to be a close friend, and he wrote me: “Oh that will pass in no time. Meanwhile listen to this, I have this and this problem.”

    I never responded to that mail, and what I considered to be a long lasting friendship just stopped after that. He never contacted me again…

    So what I mean to say is this: be a giver, but don’t forget yourself in the process.

  5. Comment by Donald Latumahina

    Yes, Baron, prayer. If you don’t believe in it, it may look silly. But if you believe in it, it’s powerful.

  6. Comment by Baron Ingalls

    Lol. Prayer.

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