Note: This is a guest post from Clay Andrews of The Path to Passion

I don’t mean to be a downer here. If you’re interested in optimizing your life and living it to the fullest, you probably have a lot of big goals and dreams. It’s important to focus on what you want and to use that as motivation to move you forward.

However, it’s also important to be realistic about the common pitfalls that people tend to get stuck in as they work toward their life goals.

Here are 5 common things I’ve seen in others (and myself!):

1. Pursue Material Success Above All Else

It is easy to get mesmerized by the thought that your life would be perfect if only you had more money, a bigger house, or a new pair of shoes.

Don’t get caught in the trap of chasing the best and brightest new thing. I’ve been there myself, and all those new toys lose their luster after a few short days or weeks.

Though those things may make you feel good for a while, it is important to realize that those good feelings of confidence, joy, and happiness come from within you, not from the object

2. Wait for “Someday”

You’re busy. I’m busy. Everyone is busy these days. Somehow it seems like a struggle just to find the time to go grocery shopping or get the oil changed in your car.

It is easy to put things off on the “someday” list, especially if taking action frightens you or you’re unclear about what the next step should be.

However, it is important to realize that unless you actively make the choice to change your situation and take control of your life, your dreams, or the direction you’re headed, you will just keep drifting on the same course you’re already on.

Living the life you want doesn’t happen by accident and it doesn’t happen because your to-do list is finally complete and you can, at long last, find the time to concentrate on what matters. The only way to get the life you want is to take action and make time for it.

Make your goals a top priority and you won’t run the risk of endlessly putting them off until they reach the graveyard of “someday.”

3. Settle for Less Than What You Want

I know it can be difficult to go after what you want. You pour all of your effort into getting that dream job, asking that special person out on a date, or getting started on that new diet only to be met with disappointments.

After a little bit of failure, it is only reasonable to think that you’ve just set your goals too high and that you should settle for something a bit more “reasonable.”

However, settling for less isn’t going to give you what you really want. It will also develop a belief in your mind that you can’t get what you really want or that you don’t deserve it. This kind of thinking will limit your motivation or the amount of action you’re willing to take to go after other things you want in life.

4. Avoid Fear and Uncomfortable Situations

I get it. It’s tough to walk into your boss’ office and demand a raise or go up to that hot girl at the bar and introduce yourself. It’s frightening. You don’t know what will happen, and there’s a reasonable chance that you may not get the desired outcome.

However, it is only through reaching outside of our comfort zone that we can begin to expand what is possible in our life.

It’s the things we have to work for and take a risk to get that we treasure the most in life.

Yes, you might experience the sting of rejection, but the courage needed for taking a chance will start to build, like any muscle that is exercised, and you’ll begin to become more bold and courageous in other things in life too.

5. Choose to Believe Discouraging Thoughts

We all have negative thoughts. There is no denying that. However, we do have the choice to believe those thoughts or not.
And it sure is easy to believe them. After all, we thought them up or someone “important” told them to us, so they must be true, right?

Keep in mind though, that just because you have a limiting or discouraging thought about your own abilities or value does NOT mean that you have to accept that belief.

You can choose what beliefs you are willing to accept and which ones you are not. Even if you’re unable to control anything else in your life, you can always control your thoughts.

***

The important thing is to not feel bad if you see yourself in any of these 5 pitfalls. Often, we may not be aware of what we’re doing so you shouldn’t feel bad when you discover something counter-productive. Instead celebrate its discovery and correct course as needed.

The journey to achieving your life goals may not always be a straight line, but finding your path amidst it all is one of the biggest joys in life.

Clay Andrews is a relationship advice blogger. He loves meeting new people, so stop by his website, The Path to Passion, and say hello.

Photo by Per Ola Wiberg

Note: This is a guest post from Michael Martel of Achieve the Green Beret Way

A manifesto, by definition is a public declaration of a person’s principles and intentions. Throughout history a lot of manifestos have been political in nature. Marx and Engel’s Communist Manifesto sticks in many people’s mind as an example of a manifesto. Other famous ones have been on the subjects of art or technology. However, it doesn’t have to be on a certain topic. A manifesto lays out what is important to someone and publically draws a line in the sand as to what they believe in and what they will do and not do.

Manifestos have gotten bad press lately. Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber had his own manifesto. Manifesto can be for good or evil. The Declaration of Independence is essentially a manifesto. Architect Frank Lloyd Wright had one. So does present day marketer Seth Godin. Organizations have manifestos; Apple has one.

Personal Manifestos

It is a great thing for people to have their own manifestos. Much of the modern world is lived in shades of gray. There isn’t a right or a wrong in modern society. Family norms have been established by reality TV. Ethical standards are eroded by the activities of political leaders. People can have standards for themselves. These standards create the foundation stones of our lives. A manifesto establishes this foundation and declares it to everyone, “This is who I am and what I stand for.”

You Don’t Have to Get It Perfect, Just Get Started

You might feel a little daunted at the task of writing a manifesto. You needn’t worry. All you need is something you feel strongly about. It doesn’t really matter what the topic is. It can be whatever you want to make a statement on – politics, your work, the environment, or a social issue or cause. It could even be about sports. The important thing is to be bold. Manifestos throw your intentions into the arena for others either to agree to or not. You don’t want to just make a list of things you like or don’t like. Make a declaration as to why this is something you would go to battle for.

The mechanics of writing a manifesto are simple. First, decide what you want your manifesto to be about. Your first manifesto doesn’t have to be War and Peace. Keep it short and sweet by focusing on one topic. Is it healthy living? Is it football officiating? Is it what kind of job you will take or not take? Make a list of a couple topics. Let them sit for a couple days while you let it brew around in your mind and then settle on one.

Next step for writing your first manifesto is to lay it out on paper. Pull up your favorite word processing software and get it going. Remember you don’t have to get it perfect. You just need to get it started. For your manifesto, I suggest a format of introduction, background, discussion, declaration. The before mentioned Declaration of Independence has the same format.

Your manifesto’s introduction should establish what your target is and why you are taking aim at it. You might talk in generalities why this is important to you and why it needs to be addressed. Don’t spend too much time on the introduction, the real meat comes next.

The background of your manifesto is the hook for your reader. People want to know why this is important to you. Personal stories are what draw the reader. They want to know what motivates you, thereby bringing them into the rationale. Also this is for yourself to explore why this gets your blood boiling and why you feel the attraction to it. The background isn’t just for the future readers. Even if you don’t intend to ever show this to another living soul, be honest in the background of your manifesto. If there was some element of abuse, emotionally or physically, try to write about it. This is a good place to talk about perceived slights, snubs. Every time you reread it, the background will bring you back to why this is a passion for you.

Manifestos Are Gritty

The discussion is where you make your case. Manifestos are gritty. This is not the place to dance around and try not to antagonize anyone. Simply say why you believe what you believe. Some will agree and some won’t. You will upset some people if your manifesto is bold. Don’t use a pro and con approach. Take that attitude that what you believe is the only approach and work from there. Go ahead and attack counter opinions and say why they don’t make sense. Most of all, state why this is important to you and it is important enough to make it a manifesto.

Finally, make a declaration in your manifesto. What will you do as a result of the manifesto? What will you not do as a result of it? Are you going to stop watching television? Are you going to seek out another line of work? Make a declaration that reflects what you stand for.

You Finished It, Now What?

Once you have your first manifesto finished, take a deep breath of satisfaction. You have placed yourself above the mob. You are one of the few who actually know what they stand for in life. You are not letting the winds of public opinion blow you around like a rudderless sailboat on the waves. Men are meant to be the captains of their own ships.

Take this further if you dare. Share your manifesto with family and friends. Encourage your friends to write one of their own. Write a couple more on other single topics. After a while when you have a few manifestos under your belt, write your life manifesto. Establish your values and how you will live according to them. This is the stuff legacies are made from. You deserve this.

For 20 years, Michael Martel was a Green Beret in the US Army. He now works with people to put Special Forces like effectiveness into their lives and businesses. Go to Achieve The Green Beret Way and learn about his book Get ER Done: The Green Beret Guide to Productivity.

Photo by Ben Fredericson

Note: This is a guest post from Marisol Garcia of The Pleasure Cure

Unemployment, stock market crashes, foreclosures, and increasing national debt are topics that preoccupy Americans today. Most of us are worried, if not petrified, about our financial future. Thoughts about how to survive permeate our lives. We function under the belief that if we don’t work all the time, we will miss an opportunity or lose what we have.

What we may not know is that we need more than financial health to secure our future. We need emotional, relational, spiritual and cognitive well-being as well. This means feeling that we have an overall sense of happiness. If not, scholars note, we won’t flourish to our full capacity; we won’t be as productive and successful as we can be. Researchers have found that people who have an increased sense of well-being or happiness thrive in every domain including work.

But how can we attend to all our needs without compromising our economic vitality? The answer is pleasure. Researchers have found that engaging in pleasure results in greater happiness. Happy people get more things in life because they engage in more pleasure. Not only that, but the most sought after pleasures cost little in terms of time and money.

Some Pleasurable Activities That You Can Do

The following are but a few examples of pleasurable activities that are free, require little time, and have been documented by researchers to increase well-being:

Rocking

Rocking in a chair, being on a boat, swinging on a swing, or swaying in a hammock relieves physical and emotional ailments. Rocking is argued to be an activity that relieves stress, fear, pain, loneliness, and anger. It has also been documented to heal heart attacks, strokes, arthritis, colds, diabetes, and cancer. Rocking is a soothing technique that is practiced universally in different ways. Rocking produces reactions in the body such as lowered blood pressure and slowing of respiration. These physical reactions tap into the pleasure centers of the brain and produce endorphins that make the body feel pleasured.

Doing Nothing

Doing nothing promotes clarity, sense of connection, energy, positive mood, and calmness. Doing nothing is sometimes referred to as mindfulness or meditating. Other meditative experiences include praying, running, listening to music, etc. Pleasure is experienced when we meditate because it often brings us to another state of being. In a meditative state, your sense of self and your environment is altered. Additionally, meditative experiences provide a space for one to regenerate energy, hope, and perspective. Meditation has been described as “the best natural high” and has been reported to provide a feeling of “restful, silent, and of heightened alertness.”

Exercise

Exercise takes as much or as little time as you have. A mere 10 minutes per day makes a big difference. Not surprisingly, researchers report that exercisers are happier than non-exercisers. Exercise contributes to physical and emotional well-being including sexual functioning. People who exercise regularly are at much lower risk of depression and anxiety than those who do not. Exercise increases memory, concentration and clarity of thinking.

Food/Eating

Eating is a universal pleasure. Furthermore, a lack of nutrients such as calcium, iron, folic acid, magnesium, etc. is correlated to cognitive and emotional ailments such as depression, anxiety, etc. The only requirement for pleasurable dining is having the intention to make it pleasurable. The French, for example, are famous for the pleasure they get out of eating. That means paying attention to what we eat, making sure we eat sitting down, giving thanks for our food, and/or setting a nice table.

Music

Listening to music can be one of the most exhilarating and motivating experiences. There is overwhelming evidence that music alters mood in a positive way. Music changes our physical and emotional states. Music helps us sleep and reduces anxiety, depression, pain, stress, developmental disorders, traumatic brain injury, etc. Sound is vibration and every part of our bodies feel the vibration, even our cells. Joshua Leads in The Power of Sound says that “sound touches us and influences our emotion like no other source of input.”

Social Contact

Researchers and therapists often prescribe social contact and support when increasing well-being. Happy people engage in more social activities than those who are not as happy. Scholars maintain that in order to have a happy and satisfying life, we must have connections with others. Furthermore, it has been noted that those of us with strong social networks and connections fare better in situations of adversity. Finding ways to connect with others in a way that doesn’t interfere with other responsibilities is a really smart choice as it is the one activity that researchers repeatedly mention to be beneficial to our well-being.

Positivity

People report that thinking about positive things gives them pleasure (e.g. how grateful you are about something, how good a person is, something exciting happening). Not surprisingly, researchers have noted that happy people tend to have more positive thoughts than those who are not as happy. Happy people see the good before they see the bad. Happy people believe in themselves, others, and the world. One way to experience more positivity is by finding positive reasons for why things happen. Researchers have found that people who attribute positive understandings to events or actions are happier. Dr. Fredrickson suggests that you ask what is going right or what is good right now to shed light as to the positive aspects of an event or interaction.

How to Do Them

How can we engage in more pleasurable activities when there isn’t enough time to do what we have to do as it is? First, give yourself a set amount of time to engage in pleasure. Setting a limit to the time you will spend in pleasure will reduce your anxiety about it. Start of with 15 minutes per day. Try to really engage with what you are doing or thinking during that time by making your mind stay focused. Don’t let it wonder off. If it does, bring it back to what you are doing.

Second, when you do every day things (e.g. washing the dishes, cleaning, driving, eating, grocery shopping, spending time with family/friends, etc.) try and slow the process down so that you enjoy the moment. For example, instead of rushing when you go grocery shopping, take 10 minutes more and enjoy the experience. Ten minutes will not break you as far as time is concerned. You may have to remind myself over and over again that you don’t have to rush.

Third, breathe. How difficult is it to breathe? Very. Each breath may highlight your emotions. At the same time, each breath may give you relief from your emotions.

Fourth, when you start to think about work, fears, the economy, etc., ask yourself, “What is stopping me from feeling pleasure right now?” Generally, thoughts about the future or past and the fear or anxiety that they produce, stop people from feeling pleasure. Also, thoughts that something bad will happen because you are having a good time will limit the pleasure you feel. Many of us believe that any happiness or enjoyment is followed by sadness or bad times.

Finally, find something you enjoy doing. A key ingredient to maximizing pleasure is finding activities that match you. If you are a person who doesn’t like loud noise, a rock concert would not be pleasurable no matter how many other people find it pleasurable. Engage in your own version of pleasure even if it is only for 15 minutes a day. After all, pleasure will help you regenerate your strength if only to handle the economic reality that we face.

Marisol Garcia is a therapist, social researcher, writer, and lecturer. Her book, “Pleasure: The Secret Ingredient in Happiness” has recently been published. She received her doctorate from the University of Connecticut. To learn more about her work, you can visit her website at www.garciawestberg.com and www.thepleasurecure.com.

Photo by Kevin Dooley

Note: This is a guest post from Daniel Wong of Living Large

“I really should exercise more…”

“I really should get on a proper sleep schedule…”

“I really should stop procrastinating…”

“I really should stop spending so much time on Facebook…”

There are so many “should” things we want to do, but there are so few of them that we actually end up doing.

We often trade long-term satisfaction for short-term fun, lasting fulfillment for fleeting happiness. I don’t know about you, but whenever I do this, a part of me feels annoyed and frustrated with myself.

Why don’t I have more willpower and motivation to make the right choice when I’m faced with temptation?

If you’ve ever asked yourself that question, this article is for you. I’ve come up with a list of eleven things you can do to develop a lifestyle of motivation. These tips will help you get motivated so that you’ll take the actions you know you ought to—even when you don’t feel like it.

1. Put up some motivational quotes on your wall

Put these quotes up where you usually do your work. Here are a few of my favorites:

Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle.
Phillips Brooks, clergyman and author

Take the first step. You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.
Martin Luther King, Jr., civil rights activist

Give 100 percent in everything every day, because it’s not like if you give 80 percent today you can make up for it by giving 120 percent tomorrow.
Unknown

2. Change the quotes every month

We get used to things very quickly, and after a while the motivational quotes on your wall will become just another part of the background that you don’t notice. To prevent this from happening, change the quotes every month or so.

3. Find out when you work best

You probably work better during a specific time of day. Figure out when that time is for you, and try to schedule your creative work for then. This strategy will improve the quality of your work and the efficiency with which you produce that work.

4. Do the hardest task first

We all like to check things off lists, and we usually start with the easiest things first. This approach doesn’t maximize your effectiveness, so instead you need to do the hardest task first. Whatever your most challenging task is, complete it first. Once you knock that task out, you’ll feel a surge in motivation.

5. Smile when you wake up

This might sound a little crazy, but this technique alone has vastly enhanced the quality of my life. Zig Ziglar calls your alarm clock your “opportunity clock,” because every day you awaken to many fantastic opportunities to learn, build relationships, appreciate beauty, and touch lives. If we force ourselves to think about all the amazing things life has to offer, we’ll have no choice but to smile—a smile that will defeat even excessive levels of grogginess.

6. Review your to-do list at the end of each day

Even if you don’t manage to accomplish everything on your to-do list, it’s encouraging to review the list at the end of the day. In this way, you remind yourself of the progress you’ve made, despite the fact that you didn’t complete all the tasks you had hoped to. If you do, in fact, complete everything on your list, you should be proud. This will remind you that it’s time to celebrate, which leads us to the next technique.

7. Celebrate EVERYTHING

If you’re constantly on the lookout for occasions to celebrate, you’ll realize that there are plenty of them. Learn to celebrate the small things: completing a report, finishing an assignment, writing a blog post. To celebrate, you can go to the beach, read a book, or have a good meal. When you’re always ready to celebrate, it’s much easier to be upbeat because you’re aware of even the seemingly insignificant, but deeply beautiful, occurrences of life.

8. Read uplifting books

A few years ago, I realized I could spend at least ten minutes a day reading in the bathroom while sitting on the throne. I’m not kidding! Especially if you’re trained in speed-reading, you can get through a good amount of reading in ten minutes.

Filling our minds with uplifting messages is more important than we realize, because most of the messages we’re bombarded with on TV and on the radio are negative. “The economy continues to tank,” “Global warming threatens our food supply,” … the list goes on. Spending at least ten minutes a day reading an encouraging book is the least you can do to combat all of this pessimism. It could be an autobiography, novel, or history book. Just make sure that it’s a book with a positive message.

9. Do something social every day

Even the most introverted people need regular social interactions to energize them. After all, if we ask ourselves what’s most important to us, relationships with friends and family will appear high on most of our lists. If these relationships really mean that much to us, doesn’t it make sense that we intentionally make time for them?

Having dinner with your family and talking to a close friend are sure ways to lift your spirits and reinvigorate you in the other areas of your life.

10. Surround yourself with positive people

As a follow-up to tip #9, you need to select your friends carefully. You can’t choose your family, but you can definitely choose your friends. I’ve heard it said that you’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. This means that if the five people you hang out with most are encouraging, cheerful, motivated, and hardworking, it’s unavoidable that you’ll become like them. On the contrary, if the people you surround yourself with are pessimistic, moody, dishonest, and lazy, you’ll become like them in no time, too.

11. Have at least fifteen minutes of alone time every day

This might seem to be in conflict with tip #9, but these two tips actually complement each other. By “alone time,” I’m not simply referring to time that you spend alone. Alone time is when you think, reflect, and dream. It’s an opportunity to separate yourself from all of your busyness to ask yourself what’s truly important, and whether your actions reflect that.

Alone time is never a waste of time. It’s an investment that pays off in the long run, not necessarily in terms of achievements and accolades, but definitely in terms of wisdom, peace of mind, and fulfillment.

—

If you want to build a better family, a better career, a better business, a better healthcare system, a better economy, and a better world, the all-important first step is to build a better you.

Building a better you will require you to become a person of greater commitment and character. It will require you to do the right thing even when you don’t feel like it. It will require you to develop a lifestyle of motivation.

So try out these eleven tips for yourself today. The world is counting on you.

Daniel Wong is passionate about helping young adults to maximize their education, career and life at Living Large. He is the author of “The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success,” which will be published by Morgan James Publishing by early 2012. You can find him on Twitter.

Photo by Agustin Ruiz

If you wanted to learn a subject in the university, there is a structured way to do that. For example, to learn economics you might start with Economics 101 in which you have to read book A, do assignment B, and so on. If you followed the path, you are more or less guaranteed to have a good understanding of the subject.

But how can we learn about life? How can we learn about the best ways to live our lives?

This may be the most important subject to learn, yet there is no curriculum on it (even if there is one, I doubt it’s good enough).

So what should we do?

I believe that one of the best ways to learn about life is to study the lives of exceptional people. Find those who live great lives and learn how they do it. And the way to do that? Read their biographies. That’s why I have increasing interest in reading biographies. For me, biographies are among the best books to read.

Why You Should Read Biographies

There are many benefits you will get from reading biographies. Here are four:

1. It teaches you about the pitfalls to avoid

There are pitfalls on the way success. Instead of learning about them the hard way, why don’t you learn from those before you? Biographies can teach you about what make people fail in the past so that you can avoid them in the first place. Of course, it’s impossible to avoid failure altogether (I’ll talk about it in the next point), but at least you can save yourself a lot of time.

2. It teaches you about how to respond to failure

No matter how good you try, you will still fail. It’s simply inevitable (if you have never failed, maybe you aim too low). So, even more important than learning about the pitfalls is learning about how to respond to failure.

Great people can teach you a lot about it. Why? Because one important reason for their greatness is the way they respond to failure. It’s not that they never fail; it’s that they have the right response to failure. Reading their biographies will help you form the right mindset about failure so that you, too, can respond correctly.

3. It opens your mind about what is possible

This is one of the most important things about reading biographies. Often we limit ourselves and think too small. We might think that we will never do anything big in our lives.

But the truth is, every big thing in this world has a small beginning.  Wal-Mart, for example, started as a single shop in a small town. Who would have guessed that years later they will become one of the biggest businesses in the world? Reading the story of how something with a humble beginning grows big and changes the world is really inspiring.

You might be doing something that looks small today. Perhaps you have never dreamed that it will become big someday. But reading the biographies of these people will open your mind about what is possible. It will inspire you to dream big.

4. It teaches you about the great principles to live by

Behind extraordinary people are extraordinary principles. They live by them and that’s why they become extraordinary. The principles set them apart and make them stand out in the crowd.

Reading their biographies can teach you about these extraordinary principles. Sometimes they are not explicitly stated, but by studying their lives you can discover the unstated principles that drive them.

True, lasting success comes from the inside out, not the other way around. That’s why these principles are treasures. Make finding them your focus when reading biographies and strive to apply them in your life. Then your life, too, will become extraordinary, starting from the inside.

Photo by Linda Yvonne

Note: This is  a guest post from Madison Sonnier of Journey of a Soul Searcher

One important way to achieve mental stability and contentment is to have a good balance of work and play in your life. It is not good to be either over-worked or under-worked. Most people never take the time to just breathe and relax after a long day of stress. A person can rest much easier at night if they get things done and still have time to spend with their family or with themselves.

I have come up with ten simple ways to relax and reflect after a long day of productivity. Everyone should be rewarded for working hard. Coming home to these ideas is a good way to end your day on the right note.

1. Cook your or your family’s favorite meal. Take the time to prepare some good comfort food for you and your family. Be sure to sit down and enjoy it with them as well. Preparing your favorite food and sitting down to eat it with your family is a good way to set stress aside and enjoy the company of the people you love the most.

2. Read. I’m the type of person who almost always has a book to read. I finish one and then start on another one. If you’ve been wanting to get back into that good book you’ve been reading, take a little time each day to do that. Curl up in your happy place, whether it be on the couch with your pet, by the fire, in your cozy bed, or outside on the patio. Escape from your world and into the world of the book you’re reading.

3. Take a walk. Go for a walk in your neighborhood or in your favorite part of town. Taking a walk clears your head and gives you time to reflect on your day. It’s also a good way to get some exercise in, which is good for both your mental and physical health.

4. Play with your pet. Unless you have a goldfish or something, your pet will love to spend quality time with you. Take some time at the end of the day to show your pet some love. Pull out their favorite toy, take them for a walk, or teach them a new trick. Your pets will feel loved and happy and so will you. And if you do have a fish, then simply enjoy watching it swim around for a few minutes. It’s surprisingly relaxing!

5. Meditate. If you are good at meditating, find time to do it every day. It re-charges your mind and helps you become more relaxed and focused.

6. Go for a joy ride. There is nothing wrong with driving with no place to go. Roll your windows down, turn your music up, and just drive around town for a few minutes. It is not a waste of gas if you enjoy the ride and the quality time with yourself.

7. Watch a movie. Rent that movie you’ve been dying to see or find a movie on television. Watching a movie lets you unwind and take a break for a couple of hours.

8. Write in a journal. Writing in a journal helps you sort out and make sense of whatever it is that you’re feeling. If you feel stressed, angry, sad, or confused, write it down and get it out in front of you. It’s a great way to empty out all the negative feelings and thoughts.

9. Create a goal sheet or a bucket list. If you’re the type of person who can never sit still, why not spend your free time writing out new goals to accomplish? It will give you something to work on and look forward to.

10. Watch the sun go down. Watching the sky turn beautiful colors as the sun goes down is very calming and peaceful. Imagine that the sun is your stress or worries. Any problem you may have had that day is slowly sinking down into the earth to rest for the night. The day is coming to an end. Let it all go.

These are great and simple ways to step back and allow yourself to re-charge after a long day. It’s always good to have balance in your life. If you work too hard, you burn out. If you don’t work hard enough, you come up empty. End each day on a good note by taking time to enjoy some of the simplest and most beautiful things that life has to offer.

Madison Sonnier is an aspiring writer aiming to help people think positively, have hope, and become more in tune with what they really want out of life. You can follow her blog at http://journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/

Photo by Per Ola Wiberg

Note: This is a guest post from Judy Belmont, M.S., L.P.C. of JudyBelmont.com

“IF ONLY …. I had taken the other job.”

“IF ONLY …. I had chosen another college.”

“IF ONLY …. I had gone to college!”

“IF ONLY …. I never broke up with her.”

“IF ONLY…… I never moved here.”

“IF ONLY …. I encouraged my kids to stick with music lessons.”

“IF ONLY …… I hadn’t said that!”

The list goes on and on. No one goes through life without some “if onlys.”

However, some people make the land of “IF ONLYS” a place they live in, not just visit. Too many people think that if only they chose a different path in life they would be much happier, and spend too much time kicking themselves for what seems obvious in retrospect.

Here are seven tips to help you move through the Land of “If Only” to the Land of Today!

1. Use your broken dreams, disappointments and “what ifs” as stepping stones towards a better future. If you regard what you learned as lessons to pave a better foundation moving forward, you can see any setbacks from the past as laying the necessary stability for a better tomorrow. Make the most out of today rather than reworking yesterday!

2. Those who are stuck in the “woulda, coulda, shoulda’s” often have a hard time forgiving themselves for not knowing better or not doing any better, which seems so obvious in hindsight. Self-forgiveness is vital for moving ahead in life rather than spending time living with a constant pull from the past. Forgive yourself for not knowing everything when you were five!

3. Remind yourself that you do not know what would have happened if you chose the other path – it could have been worse! By thinking of how things could have been worse, we can put things into perspective. All too often, we think how things could have been better rather than focus on what could have been worse! And believe me, they could have!

4. Refuse to play the “Blame Game.” Often people stay stuck in “what ifs” because they can not let themselves “off the hook.” They see even their present difficulties such as misbehaved children or being suddenly unemployed as further evidence that they are to blame for all their misfortunes! They think “If only I had……then this would not have happened.” As the bestselling book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” by Harold Kushner emphasizes, the world is not always fair and sometimes really good people get real bad breaks just because life is not often fair, not because you deserve it.

5. Realize that to be steeped in “if onlys” is to be stuck with unproductive regret. Regrets can be productive if you learn and grow from them. Differentiate between productive and unproductive regret. Unproductive regret keeps you focused on how the past would have been better, and productive regret helps you make better decisions and choices now as you immerse yourself in the present and look towards the future.

6. Allow yourself to grieve. There are five stages of grieving according to Grief Pioneer Dr. Kubler-Ross. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. All are necessary to give up past expectations and make new dreams today. So do not get worried if you experience anger, feel very sad, and at times try to make deals with yourself, others and even God. Recognize that they are all stages of the grieving process and are necessary to the the final end stage of the grief process, which is acceptance. Acceptance helps you make peace with “what is” rather than what “should have been.”

7. Embrace “The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life!” Accept the fact that life is not smooth and predictable like American or Cream Cheese. Rather, it is more like Swiss with all its characteristic holes. Interestingly enough, it is a fact that the bigger the holes in the Swiss, the more flavorful, sweeter and more distinctive the cheese. Using this as an analogy to our lives, we have the opportunity of getting stronger and developing more character when we get through large life “holes” and obstacles.’ So, with the notion of The Swiss Cheese Theory Of Life, you can feel more positive no matter what comes your way, and will be able to “SMILE AND SAY CHEESE!”

Judy Belmont, M.S., L.P.C. is the co-author of “The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life: How To Get Through Life’s Holes without Getting Stuck In Them!” She is a psychotherapist, a national wellness speaker and corporate trainer. She is a mental health expert in print, radio and TV. Visit www.judybelmont.com

Photo by filtran

Note: This is a guest post from Nabil Gulamani of Success At Reach

We are all faced with challenges constantly in every area of our lives. Most people have a hard time accepting and dealing with these challenges that arise. The truth is that you will have to deal with difficult problems throughout your life, whether it is in your personal life or career. Most of us get really afraid and run away from problems because we don’t want to accept reality the way it is. Running away from your problems is the worst thing you can do to deal with the challenges you are faced with. I have some tips for you below on learning how to deal with everyday challenges. Start now and develop the self-discipline to practice the below points.

1. Don’t overreact- Overreacting to a problem will cause you to make bad decisions. When we are not in control of our emotions, we will make decisions that we will regret later. Next time you are faced with a challenge, become the watcher of your thoughts and stay calm so you can make smarter decisions.

2. Accept present moment reality- Accept the way things are and the way people are. You have to understand that not everything is going to be the way you want it to be. If you cannot accept reality you will feel very frustrated with your life. Many people will try to change someone or something that they cannot control, and when it doesn’t work out for them they feel miserable. Once you can accept reality (including the challenges that you are faced with), you will be able to be more calm and think more clearly about how to get a step further towards your goals every day.

3. Don’t blame others- Many people make a habit of blaming others for all their problems. They fail to take full responsibility for the decisions they have made in life. The more you blame others with the challenges you are faced with, the more you will make people dislike you and not want to be around you. The first thing you want to do when faced with a personal challenge is not to start pointing fingers at others.

4. Practice detachment- Make a habit of detaching yourself from any outcome. Detachment means that you are not attached to any given result in life.  I remember in the past when I did public speaking and got really nervous. The reason I was fearful of public speaking was because I was too caught up thinking about what the audience was thinking of me. The fact is that there are some people that are not going to like what you say and others who may like what you have to say, therefore your job is to accept the way people are and not get worked up emotionally and mentally over someone not liking you. When you start practicing detachment, many of your fears and insecurities will disappear.

5. Don’t overanalyze- When you think too much about a situation or event that occurred, you will start to judge everything and everyone. When you think too much you will have a very tough time accepting reality and you will think that something is not right. Overanalyzing can also cause you to not take action on your goal, which can make you really frustrated in the long run.

6. Accept “changes’ in your life- You will have to deal with changes in life all the time. Many people don’t like change and they resist it because it gets them outside of their comfort zone.  You may be unhappy or happy at certain times; however you have to realize that those two states are not permanent. You have to train your mind to be at peace at all times regardless of the emotional state you experiencing.

7. Don’t compare your lifestyle with others- I know it is really difficult not to compare ourselves with other people, however the more often we do that, the more frustrated we will feel. There will be people that may have accomplished more than you. The key thing to remember is that you create your own story and success in life.

Nabil Gulamani is in Sales and helps businesses nationwide with their Direct Marketing needs. In the evening he works on writing and posting helpful articles on his Personal Development blog aimed at helping people take their lifestyle to a whole new level. You can visit his Self-Improvement blog www.successatreach.com.

Photo by Zach Dischner

Note: This is a guest post from Mike Reeves-McMillan of How to Be Amazing

We try to make ourselves happy by ignoring things.

It doesn’t work, of course. What you ignore becomes invisible, and when you aren’t expecting it, it sneaks up on you out of your blind spot – POW! Financial crisis. BLAM! Climate change. THOK! Failed states.

If you want to be happy, you’re much better off learning to pay attention to things. Specifically, learning to pay attention to the many good things that happen to you and the people around you.

(I don’t recommend doing this mainly by reading the newspaper. There are reasons to do that, but becoming happy isn’t one of them.)

What You Look at Is What You See

Holmes and Watson go camping. In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up and asks him, “What do you notice?”

Watson looks up at the starry sky and says, “Well, Holmes, meteorologically, it’s a clear night. Chronologically, it’s about two in the morning. And astrologically, the moon is in Pisces.”

“Watson, you fool,” says Holmes, “someone has stolen our tent.”

Holmes was famous for noticing what nobody else noticed. This wasn’t an accident or a coincidence. He trained himself to look beyond the surface of what was going on, to pay attention to little things and to draw conclusions from them. And you can do the same.

How to Pay Attention

I’ve found writing a regular personal development blog a great way to increase my paying-attention skills (and my happiness).

Instead of just experiencing life as “things that happen”, I’m always looking for how I can turn the things that happen into stories – which means I’m always looking for the significance in what happens.

This morning, for example, while I was plugging in my laptop to do some blogging, I found a couple of cat toys behind the TV. One of my cats happened to be in the room, so I tossed them out where she could see them. She’s now happily playing with the toys that were there all along – but that she wasn’t paying attention to.

See what I did there?

Paying Attention for Non-Bloggers

You don’t have to be a blogger to do this. An older, and equally effective, way of cultivating this kind of attention is to keep a journal.

Long before there was such a thing as a blog, I kept a journal – and while it became self-indulgently introspective at times, I did find it a big help in processing my feelings about the things that happened to me. There’s research to show that even a single 20-minute session of writing about how they felt (in a non-ideal setting of a busy waiting room) helped cancer patients improve their quality of life. (Morgan, Graves, Poggi & Cheson, 2008.)

This is because, as you name your emotions and think about them, you start to shift the pattern of activation of your brain away from being caught up in the emotions to being on the outside looking in.

Practicing Gratitude

There’s a specific method of increasing happiness by journalling that’s well-supported by research (Seligman, Steen, Park & Peterson, 2005). It’s keeping a gratitude journal. Recording three things that you’re grateful for each night for a week, these researchers found, increased happiness for at least six months afterwards.

Why? Because you’re paying attention to good things. You’re actively looking for something that you can put in your gratitude journal (just like I’m always looking for stories for my blogging).

Generally, you find what you look for. You notice what you pay attention to.

It’s like the “red car” phenomenon. If you buy a red car, you suddenly start noticing how many other people have red cars. They always did, but now you’re paying attention.

You Don’t Have to Ignore Suffering

Just because you’re noticing things that you can be grateful for doesn’t mean you stop noticing your and other people’s sorrows. In fact, you may notice them more. That’s all right. By building a base of happiness through gratitude, you’re better positioned to help someone else with their tough times, and to survive your own.

This isn’t one of those methods of relentless positivity that makes people unhappy and unable to talk about it. It’s just paying attention to, and acknowledging, the things that are going well – without expecting them to go well all the time.

How to Be Happy

There are lots of ways to increase your happiness. But paying attention is one of the most effective and reliable. And you can start right now, with no equipment beyond a pen and a notebook.

Mike Reeves-McMillan trains ordinary people to be heroes by teaching the things school never taught you at How to Be Amazing. He talks about six more ways to be happy in his free ebook How to be Happy.

Photo by Kevin Dooley

Keep at it until you get lucky. Isn’t it good advice? It’s concise but there is a lot of truth to it. It clearly describes the nature of success and what you need to do to achieve it.

I read about it in a post by J.A. Konrath. While the post itself is about self-publishing, I believe that the advice applies to other fields as well. If you want to succeed in something, you need to keep at it until you get lucky.

My own experiences confirm this advice. Let’s take a closer look at some elements of the advice:

1. Luck plays a role

This is an important nature of success. Some people may not like it and think that they can control everything. But the truth is, luck does play a role. In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell gives us some good examples of it.

So if you have worked hard and still haven’t succeeded, that’s fine. Don’t get discouraged or disappointed. You just haven’t got lucky yet. On the other hand, if you are successful then don’t be proud. You might not be as smart as you think you are.

2. Persistence increases your chance

While luck does play a role, it’ doesn’t mean that you can’t do anything about it. You can increase your chance by being persistence.

For example, let’s say you flip a coin and you call heads. But the coin comes up tails. So what can you do to make heads comes up? Well, you just need to keep flipping the coin. If you do that, there is a good chance that heads will eventually come up.

Similarly, just because you don’t succeed in your first try doesn’t mean that you’re doomed forever. Just keep at it. With persistence, chance is on your side.

3. Do what you believe in

Being persistent is easier said than done. It’s not easy to keep at it in the face of failure. That’s why it’s important that you do something you believe in. Only by doing so can you keep at it even in bad situations.

So follow your heart. Is it something you truly believe in? Or perhaps you are in it just for the money or other external rewards?

In addition to helping you be persistent, there is another big benefit of following your heart: inner fulfillment and personal satisfaction. They are even more important than money or fame.

Be careful though: there is  a difference between being persistent and being stubborn. If your heart says yes and you keep at it, you are being persistent. But if your heart says no and you keep at it, you are just being stubborn.

4. Learn along the way

“Keep at it” doesn’t mean just doing the same thing over and over again until you succeed. Einstein famously said that doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is insanity. So don’t do that. Instead, you should always improve yourself so that you can do it better next time. That way you have a good reason to expect a different result.

So, if you want to succeed in something, give it your best effort. Learn from your mistakes. Repeat.

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Photo by JD Hancock