btw nice list donald

Let them stew in their unhappiness- that is the only way they are happy, after all. As a sales manager for life, I have learned that one person cannot motivate another. All one CAN do is to search for those people who are already motivated. Same thing with negative people. It’s simply easier to avoid them and spend my very precious time with those who lift me, rather than those who drag me to the bottom.

Of course, they will swear that they can tell you how to deal with that on page 87.

So now I’m going to make a new distinction on your blog about negative people, thanks to the positive influence of the dianetics ads.

There’s the characterization of negative in people who are harmless if not innately a pleasure to be around. That’s what I’ve been talking about. And then there are the people and organizations that are an actual negative influence on others, because of their lies, hidden agendas, coercive and deceitful tactics, and their willful and unethical manipulation of ignorance that allows them to foist their cons, hustles and scams on people desperately seeking a conversion hysteria experience to liberate them from their unhappy lives.

When it comes to negative influence, if I have the option to flee, I’m all for having a negative reaction and getting myself and as many other people as possible as far away as fast as possible. If running is not an option, I’m for standing up to it, telling the truth about it, and speaking out about it in any way that might give at least a bit of protection to the naive and unthinking person.

I’m guessing this is a luck of the draw google ad thing. Please tell us that for you and this blog, they don’t represent another agenda?!!!

But there’s the rub. In life, we are sometimes required to hang out around people that are very different than ourselves. And the reality, to me, is that if I find someone ‘draining’ on my energy, that’s not about that person, that’s about my response to that person. I’d rather solve the problem where it is instead of where it isn’t. That means cutting out the middle man and changing my response.

And obviously, I believe this is an option for anyone who makes this choice. Change what you’re telling yourself, change how you see them, change the feelings you access around them, and then ‘they’ can’t drain you anymore, because it wasn’t them in the first place.

I hope I’m not being argumentative here, or draining your energy ;-) by engaging with you on this subject. But I think it’s important enough to comment, because it seems to me that we live in a world with a lot of projection and blame. If not for them, if not for him, if not for her, if not for that, I’d be fine, but (best Steve Martin voice) Excuuuuuuuuuuuuse meeeeeeeee!

It just doesn’t hold up. Yes, there are people that are easier to resonate with than others, but that doesn’t diminish the worth of those others, or even the value they might represent in our lives if we got past our opinions and reactions and discovered what’s interesting about them. I’ve had people in my life who had little to say but emphasizing the negatives. I don’t argue with people doing that. I get a kick out of it. Sometimes, I use it to remind myself to say something positive to myself whenever they’re around doing their thing. I wind up refreshed in their presence that way!

So for me, it’s negative, schmegative. How about different. And differences are interesting. I believe it was Mr. Spock’s people who said ‘Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations’ is a path of honor and respect.

Which by the way, I completely respect your views on this, and am merely expressing my own. I did (co)write a book about ‘dealing with people you can’t stand,’ (that’s not a plug, but a fact…) so this isn’t unfamiliar territory. In fact, there’s a whole section filled with tactics and strategies for ‘No’ people and ‘Whiners.’

But you know the saying about ‘when life hands you lemons make lemonade?’ I offer you this playful challenge. The next time one of those draining “i was weaned on a pickle’ people is near enough to you to observe, I say switch gears, pay attention, ask yourself, “What sense am I making, and how do I know I’m right? How is their behavior possible? What else could it mean? Where might that actually be useful?” and find out if that changes your internal state when they’re around. I would love to hear what happens to you as a result of trying this suggestion.

BTW there are scientology ads plastered all over your site from Google Adsense!

What does positive mean when you use it this way? Smiling? Upbeat? A lot of broken people in denial compulsively smile. A lot of people with serious mental disorders become the ‘life of the party,’ while they are disintegrating inside. I find that some of the happiest people I’ve met in life are calm and quiet, content people who neither appear to be positive or negative, just are. They don’t show their energy by smiling or being enthusiastic, just go about their business, helpful when called upon, but not into interfering with others.

Or does positive mean people who agree with you? That means leaving out the contrarians, the people who can actually think and see and act outside of your box. Why would you deny yourself the creativity they provide? What a loss. I think that could prove to be a very negative choice.

Then there’s the fact that sometimes being negative, especially when everyone else is so dang positive, is a positive thing…like when everyone is positive about following the ‘positive’ leader over a cliff, and someone says, ‘Um, that’s going to hurt, I’m not going to do it!” We all know what happens in that situation. The ‘positive’ people get ugly, exert coercive pressure, whine about the ‘negative’ person. Nope. I think it’s a mistake to avoid or leave people out of your life because they are ‘negative.’ Negative is just a value judgment you place on people for your own reasons, and I would invite you to examine those reasons and determine if perhaps they themselves are what’s negative for you about negative people, and that if not for your judgement that they are negative people, you’d find that they are just people, doing the best they can to live a good life on this often challenging planet.

I think surrounding oneself with a diverse lot of people is a better choice to live an optimal life. And I don’t need you to agree with me. People who agree with me may be a comfort, but disagreeable people give me the chance to test my assumptions, challenge my opinions, and develop my character and flexibility, to have empathy and compassion, and to serve needs greater than my own.

I had enough of the ‘me-me-me’ stuff in the 80s. There is more to life than being positive all the time, more possibility than what’s available when you surround yourself with people who walk like, talk like, act like you do.

Am i being negative? I don’t think so. In fact, I think that Donald’s list is pretty near perfect as is, without the ‘only be with positive people’ addition. I’m POSITIVE that his list is great as is.